My Heartbeat

I would be lying if I told you every day I woke up with the same fiery passion and joy that first brought me to South Africa. There are some days where I wake up feeling drained before the day has even begun. There are days where my schedule wears me out by just looking at it. But what I can tell you is that there are so many things about this country and about these people that refuel my passion and love. There are things that have become normal life for me that I know I will miss beyond words when I am gone. These are the things I want to share with you.

What makes my heart skip a beat (concerning life in a South African township):
-Leaving home to the smiles and waves of every child on the street
-Being greeted by every person I see
-Seeing the women clean by sweeping the dirt that is their porch
-Running to the sound of children laughter outside the center
-Eating with my hands and it being the right way
-You can't sing without dancing as well
-You are never late on African time
-If you are in need, there is always someone to help
-There is always room for one more (even if you think the car is overfull)
-"Sharp-sharp" is an appropriate response for almost anything
-When you have nothing else to say, you can always say "is it?"
-Riding in the back of an open bakkie (pick-up truck) is completely acceptable
-Braiis (A South African barbeque)
-Time is irrelevant
-Eating pap and wors
-The people selling stuff at the robot who promise to give you a "special price"
-Music of the shebeen (local bar) heard every weekend from my bedroom window

-Vetkoek, especially bought off the street corner
-The sounds of vuvuzela's blasting anytime the Mamelodi Sundowns play a soccer match
-The beautiful sunsets
-The value of community
-The unspoken rule of not having to stop at stop signs unless completely necessary
-The excitement people have of me knowing a few words in their language
-The fact that you can hear a Church 5km's away
-The beautiful babies strapped to mother's backs by towels
-Seeing all the school children walk home in their uniforms
-The beautiful voices of the African children singing praises to God
-The smell of pot filling the air (I know this is a weird one but it always reminds me that I'm not living in my American neighborhood anymore)
-The random men peeing wherever they decide is necessary
-People walking everywhere
-The sight of the boys playing soccer and enjoying every moment of it
-"Summertime" (the first day of spring when the children throw water on everyone)
-New Years Eve (the excitement in the air as everyone screams "HAPPY, HAPPY")
-Seeing locals get involved and start caring for their own community
-The smell of fire that fills the air at night
-The robots don't work 50% of the time and that is normal

Then there are the other things. The things that sometimes make me feel like pulling out my hair or screaming at the top of my lungs. Luckily, this list is much shorter.

What makes me a bit crazy (concerning life in a South African township):
-Not being able to drive alone for safety reasons
-Having to have walls surrounding our house with wire on them
-Having multiple locks on doors and windows
-The taxis inability to drive and consistency of stopping right in front of you with no warning
-The never ending doorbell ringing when all you want is a short nap
-The sounds of gunshots and car tires screeching

I'm sure I could add things to both lists but I wanted to at least get these lists started. As I write about the things that make my life what it is, I am reminded of what a blessing it is to be here. South Africa is the place my heart beats for. It's people feel like family. I belong here. I was made for it and I can just feel it. There are days when I doubt that feeling but then I remind myself of these things that aren't a part of my life in America and I realize that even on the bad and hard days, there is no place I would rather be.

Holy Rage

I can't even begin to put to words the anger that is brewing inside of me right now. I'm so tired of the injustice that is around me. I'm tired of seeing young kids having to go through more pain than any of us can even imagine. I'm tired of the devil getting footholds in the lives of so many. I'm tired of the lies and the abuse. I'm so tired and so angry.

I imagine Jesus felt like this when He walked into the temple and saw that they had turned the place of worship into a place of trade. That's exactly what has happened in our world. We have turned the place that God created to be a place of worship to Him into a place of trade. We have traded the presence of God for relationships that will never last. We have traded the glory of knowing our Father for glorifying ourselves. We have traded joy, peace and love for "happiness", war, and hatred. I want to do nothing more than turn over these tables and rebuke everyone involved and everyone sitting back doing nothing. How can we just sit and watch as children are abused? It's not right! We are supposed to be Jesus in this world, so it's time to start turning over tables. It's time to start being His hands, feet, and voice in this broken world. There is no time to waste. The time is now. We are the way God has made and there is no plan B.

Serving the God of Second Chances

God is good... He is good. He is good. He is good!

Yesterday I made a quick trip to the mall with my roommate Katherine. It was a trip we have made multiple times before and nothing about it seemed special. We split up to save time and decided to meet outside the grocery shop. I had to go into the shop to get a few things for my children and for dinner so I did that as she went to return an item. I finished first so I waited outside the shop for her to come. Before she arrived, a man approached me and asked me for petrol money. My instinct was to avoid taking out my wallet so I told him I didn't have any cash on me, which was a lie. I knew I had 20 Rand sitting in my wallet that could easily help him out but I chose to be "safe" and nicely decline. He walked away and I could see that he was beyond discouraged. As I stood waiting for Katherine I noticed that the man, now standing outside the next shop, began to wipe tears from his eyes. My heart broke instantly and I knew I had done the wrong thing. I was worried about being safe and missed out on an opportunity to bless someone God put in my path. I stood there for a minute beating myself up and getting enough courage to tell him I had lied when I turned walk towards him and he had already walked away. I didn't know what to do so I prayed that God would bring him back so that I could give him the money. I prayed for forgiveness for not listening closer to the heartbeat of God and being more concerned about myself. I prayed and I prayed for a second chance but the man didn't come back before Katherine arrived.

Once Katherine arrive we walked towards the car park together and I began to tell her what had just happened and just how bad I felt for missing out on the opportunity God put before me. I told her how I was praying for a second chance and promised God that I wouldn't mess up again. As soon as the words came out of my mouth, a women approached us. She looked like she had been through more than anyone could imagine in the past 24 hours. She was nearly in tears as she asked for money for somewhere for her and her 2 girls to sleep tonight. I immediately pulled out the 20 Rand and handed it to her. Without thinking, I asked if they had food for dinner. She told me she wasn't sure what they were going to eat but she was more concerned about finding a place to stay. I asked if she would walk back into the mall with me so that we could get her some food. We walked and talked for a good 30 minutes as we picked out some food for her and her children. It was then that she told us about her abusive husband and how she was in the place she was that day because she finally left him. My heart just broke to pieces again. I was nearly in tears as we spent time talking and walking. We got her enough food for the next few days and walked back out of the mall. As we stood there together, we prayed and cried. It was truly beautiful.

God had given me my second chance. It wasn't what I was expecting but it was even better. It can be easy to give people money when you see a need but it's more difficult to touch someone's heart. Katherine and I were able to spend time with Irene and encourage her with more than just food. We were given the divine opportunity to pour into her life and my prayer is that God would continue to use our words and prayers to pull her towards Him.

Please pray for Irene and her 2 daughters. Pray they would be able to get their passports in order and head home to New Zealand. Pray that God would continue to provide miraculously for her family and through that they would come to know Christ as Savior.

Little Adventures

These past 24 hours of been quite eventful. I started having strong abdominal pain just after 5pm but assumed it would go away soon. I drank a fruit smoothie and took some medicine to balance the acidity in my stomach. A few hours later I ate dinner and decided it would be best to lay down. I tried many things to make myself more comfortable but it wasn't proving to be an easy task. I distracted myself with reading and talking to people but the longer I waited, the more pain I had. I fell asleep for about 20 minutes and awoke myself crying in pain. It was then I realized this wasn't just a normal stomach ache. Within the hour, I was laying in a hospital bed in the ER with a drip in my arm. I went through some blood tests, urine tests, and a sonar test this morning. After all of these things, they finally said they believe the extreme pain is being caused by stomach ulcers which have probably developed due to stress and the amount of medicine I had to take for my shoulder injury. I am now on 4 new medicines and will be taking them for the next 4 weeks.

Usually, this would stress me out even more but I'm starting to see these things for what they are. I know that this is spiritual warfare. Satan has tried getting me down emotionally a lot over the past few weeks and since he failed, he is now going after my physical health. This is frustrating but I also know that the only reason Satan is attacking is because he knows the work being done here is advancing the Kingdom of God and it makes him cringe. Little does he know that stomach ulcers will not hold me down. I may be sick physically but that does not mean that God won't be able to use me. I'm getting the rest I need during this weekend to make sure I am ready for the children on Monday.

I love looking at God's timing for all of these things. Even though he does allow Satan to attack, He is still sovereign and has control over it all. I was told that I need to take these medicines but I also need to reduce stress in my life and take time out to rest. This is something that is very difficult to do but God knows me well enough to know I will struggle with that. He has already provided a holiday in a week that will allow me that time to rest and de-stress that I need. Praise God that He knows me so well!

This is just another little adventure of the journey that God is taking me on.

Old Blogs

I recently read through all of my blogs from my first trip to South Africa. It amazed me to be able to look back on the journey God has taken me on over the past two years. Two years seems like such a long time but it has flown by. So much has happened during these two years that I don't know I could fully consolidate it to one blog. I have thought about compiling all of my blog entries along with some of my journal entries into a book for myself and those who would want one. Unfortunately, I don't think I will be able to do that until my next visit home in a year and a half. Until then, I thought it would be a good idea to put all of my entries in one place. So, many of you may have already read all of the posts I just added to this blog but feel free to read through them again. If you want to read them from beginning to end you need to start at the first entry from September. They are full of amazing stories and lessons that God has taught me over the years and I hope you will find them encouraging. Our God is still at work and in the business of healing hearts and restoring lives. Let us never forget that!

Community

Originally posted on 9/8/09

Today marks one year since this crazy journey began. I thought it would be fitting to post about some of the people that have impacted me the most during this time, those that I lived in community with for 5 months...

Aaryn- Aaryn is one of a kind. She is firm yet loving. Aaryn was my disciple second semester so I got the opportunity to get to know her better. She is an amazing woman of God who is not ever content for mediocrity. She is always striving to go deeper with her relationship with Christ and push others to do the same. She was there to speak truth over me and call out the things I needed to change. She loved me for who I was at that moment but saw who God wanted me to be and pushed me towards that constantly.

Amber- Amber is so full of wisdom. I don't even know if she realizes it but the Lord has anointed her to speak His word. Amber is bubbly and energetic. Her joy and laugh are contagious. She oversaw our ministries and checked in on us regularly to see what needed to be improved. She was constantly encouraging us to love more and pray more. God gave her the words to push us forward when we needed it most.

Andrea- Andrea is one of the sweetest people I have ever met. She seems quiet at first, but don't be fooled: she has some spunk in her! Andrea was my bunkmate and was always dropping things behind my bed. It's funny how you miss that when you have your own room. We always seemed to be on the same page: especially with sleep schedules. It was great, first to go to bed and last to wake up. Andrea had a knack for hearing from the Lord. I struggle to be quiet before God and really hear from Him but she set a great example. Her heart is shaped for service and love and it's beautiful.

Ellen: Ellen is full of faith. She knows God has big plans for her life and she is running after them. She has shown me the example of unwavering faith I needed to see. Sarah Buller was one of Ellen's best friends from home and despite this loss Ellen continued to praise God and push forward without hesitation. I love that about her. She is a great listener and just a lot of fun to be around. I have a truly amazing friend in her and I couldn't be more grateful that God placed her in my life. I'm excited to see the journey God continues to take her on within Africa.

Alexis: Oh Alexis! Alexis has one of the most amazing laughs, ever. You can't help but smile when you're around her. She has the most outgoing personality and makes everyone feel comfortable, that is until she really gets to know you and puts you in uncomfortable positions just for fun. Alexis was in the same classroom with me at Ithemba so we worked together for Bible Study all second semester. Her heart to teach the kids about God was so encouraging. She loved them with everything that she had. We started praying that God would show up in those times and really give the kids a hunger for Him and He did. It was an amazing experience to share together and I couldn't have picked a better partner.

Faith: Faith was given her name for a reason. She believes in the things most don't see and see's them because of her faith. She and I worked together with the youth at Deo Doxa and it was a great time of fellowship. She was always stepping up to the plate to help in whatever way possible: from leading games to leading small group discussions. Her faith encouraged me to pray prayers expectantly and really give God the chance to show up in ways I wouldn't let Him before.

Ashley: Ashley is one of the most real people I know. She has a huge heart for those that are hurting and you could see it in all of her actions. Ashley was a constant encouragement to me, always reminding me to lay all of my burdens at the foot of the cross. Her and I got to work together and Ithemba first semester and do house visits together second semester. Both of those ministries contain sweet memories of times together. Ashley was always bold and willing to speak about her life and the ways God has changed her. She never held back her past or present heart aches if it would help someone else out. This was a huge encouragement to me to be more open with my story and allow God to use it to bring Him glory. It was sweet to see Him do that through her.

Brittany- B is nothing short of amazing. She was the one to always keep us laughing. As humorous as B always was, she had a heart that was broken for those around her. Brittany took the burden of others pain upon herself; she carried that burden with you. Her heart for the Lord is contagious. She is so joyful in serving and can make anything and everything a fun task. I love the times just laying in her bed laughing (especially after she threw me out unknowingly) or staying up late talking about life. She is going to be an amazing leader. She is an amazing leader.

Samantha- Sama is my hero, especially with her amazing ninja skills. Really though, Sama has an amazing amount of patience and love for children that I desire to have more of. She would have 20+ kids in her class that would be crazy loud that required a lot of attention and energy yet at the end of class she would clean the entire classroom. She too has an amazing servant heart. She sees those that most overlook and pours her time and energy into loving them and showing them that they are special to Christ and special to her. She loves with all that she has and it leaves people changed. Sama is my sister. She always told me how much I reminded her of her sister so I became her sister during the trip.

Brianna: Sweet Bri. Bri was one of my best friends from first semester so I was ecstatic about living with her second semester. Bri always encouraged me whether it was through notes, words, or just time together. She is truly one of the people who impacted my life the most during this year. She was a great friend that was always willing to listen, or run away and get an avalanche with me, especially when I needed it most. She, like I, was learning a lot about letting others and God love you but she never had a problem loving others. She loved people like her life depended on it, doing anything and everything to bring joy and encouragement. Christ shined brightly through her as she daily served us in many different ways. Bri is a great friend and I am blessed to have her in my life.

Sydney- Syd encompasses the essence of love. She's got it figured out. She is sweet-spirited but has a fire deep inside her bones. Her heart screams out against the injustice and her actions follow close behind. She is genuine in both word and deed. Sydney is an amazing listener and always asks the questions that point you back to Christ. Her thinking would be considered unconventional by most but I think that's because she takes God at His word. She doesn't water down the truth. She calls it what it is and lives accordingly. I admire that about her. God uses her to speak His love and truth over everyone that she meets. She too is a great leader and has so much to offer those willing to sit and listen.

Our community had its faults but God was among us. He filled each room of that house and spurred us on towards love. We are all made for community, made to hold each other up and have accountability, made to love beyond boundaries, and made to work together to fulfill His purpose. Those five months have shown me more about community than I ever knew. Each one of these girls holds a special place in my heart. I'm eternally grateful that I got to spend so much time with them, seeing their heart and seeing God move in and through them. My life hasn't been the same since our community seperated to various areas of the world. But I'm excited about the road God has ahead of each and every one of them. They are all going to change this world, mark my words.

Something On The Road

Originally posted on 9/8/09

I've been thinking about Africa a lot lately, even more so than usual. I've been thinking about the ways I saw God show up within Jeffreys Bay and in my own life. I've been thinking about my children- His children. I've been thinking about the faces, the names, the memories. It's all so weird. This journey began a year ago yet it seems like a different lifetime that I was in South Africa. In trying to make sense of all my thoughts, emotions and memories I stumbled upon a song I had heard a few times before. In really listening to the words, I couldn't have said it better myself...

"I saw what I saw"
By: Sara Groves

I saw what I saw and I can't forget it
I heard what I heard and I can't go back
I know what I know and I can't deny it

Something on the road, cut me to the soul

Your pain has changed me
Your dream inspires
Your face a memory
Your hope a fire
Your courage asks me what I am made of
And what I know of love

We've done what we've done and we can't erase it
We are what we are and it's more than enough
We have what we have but it's no substitution

Something on the road, touched my very soul

I say what I say with no hesitation
I have what I have and I'm giving it up
I do what I do with deep conviction

Something on the road, changed my world

No words can ever describe the experience I had in South Africa. No words can ever paint the picture I saw of poverty, disease, and loneliness. The piles of trash that were ever growing, the glass that lined all of the "streets" in the township, the absurd amounts of taverns, the women that lived with abusive boyfriends, the children that couldn't go to school because their parents had no money for the school fees yet alone the uniforms. It's not fair. It's not right. Children prostitute themselves to provide money for their siblings that they end up raising because their parents are dying or have already died of AIDS. Husbands drown themselves in liquor to take the sting of poverty and sin away, ultimately diving more into both issues. Wives stay with husbands that have no concern for them or their children because that is all they have ever known. Abuse is everywhere: parents beating their children, husbands beating their wives. You can see the despair on so many faces. It's not fair. It's not right.

I could go on and on about the depressing sites you will see once entering the township but that's not where the story ends. God is redeeming each and every one of these situations. God is using His people around the world to bring hope. We can all learn from these situations. We can learn about hopes and dreams and courage. We can learn about Christ love and grace that is more than enough. We can learn about the body of Christ as we see it in action bringing hope and healing to His hurting people. These stories, these situations, these friends are more than just a memory in my heart and mind. They are what stir me on toward Christ. They are the reminder that though I am weak and only one, I can make a difference by sharing the love of Christ. They are who inspire me to never give up and to never stop hoping. These aren't just stories or situations, these are my friends. These are those who have captured my heart and changed it forever. Their pain has changed me, their dream inspires, their face a memory, their hope a fire, their courage asks me what I am made of and what I know of love.