Serving the God of Second Chances

God is good... He is good. He is good. He is good!

Yesterday I made a quick trip to the mall with my roommate Katherine. It was a trip we have made multiple times before and nothing about it seemed special. We split up to save time and decided to meet outside the grocery shop. I had to go into the shop to get a few things for my children and for dinner so I did that as she went to return an item. I finished first so I waited outside the shop for her to come. Before she arrived, a man approached me and asked me for petrol money. My instinct was to avoid taking out my wallet so I told him I didn't have any cash on me, which was a lie. I knew I had 20 Rand sitting in my wallet that could easily help him out but I chose to be "safe" and nicely decline. He walked away and I could see that he was beyond discouraged. As I stood waiting for Katherine I noticed that the man, now standing outside the next shop, began to wipe tears from his eyes. My heart broke instantly and I knew I had done the wrong thing. I was worried about being safe and missed out on an opportunity to bless someone God put in my path. I stood there for a minute beating myself up and getting enough courage to tell him I had lied when I turned walk towards him and he had already walked away. I didn't know what to do so I prayed that God would bring him back so that I could give him the money. I prayed for forgiveness for not listening closer to the heartbeat of God and being more concerned about myself. I prayed and I prayed for a second chance but the man didn't come back before Katherine arrived.

Once Katherine arrive we walked towards the car park together and I began to tell her what had just happened and just how bad I felt for missing out on the opportunity God put before me. I told her how I was praying for a second chance and promised God that I wouldn't mess up again. As soon as the words came out of my mouth, a women approached us. She looked like she had been through more than anyone could imagine in the past 24 hours. She was nearly in tears as she asked for money for somewhere for her and her 2 girls to sleep tonight. I immediately pulled out the 20 Rand and handed it to her. Without thinking, I asked if they had food for dinner. She told me she wasn't sure what they were going to eat but she was more concerned about finding a place to stay. I asked if she would walk back into the mall with me so that we could get her some food. We walked and talked for a good 30 minutes as we picked out some food for her and her children. It was then that she told us about her abusive husband and how she was in the place she was that day because she finally left him. My heart just broke to pieces again. I was nearly in tears as we spent time talking and walking. We got her enough food for the next few days and walked back out of the mall. As we stood there together, we prayed and cried. It was truly beautiful.

God had given me my second chance. It wasn't what I was expecting but it was even better. It can be easy to give people money when you see a need but it's more difficult to touch someone's heart. Katherine and I were able to spend time with Irene and encourage her with more than just food. We were given the divine opportunity to pour into her life and my prayer is that God would continue to use our words and prayers to pull her towards Him.

Please pray for Irene and her 2 daughters. Pray they would be able to get their passports in order and head home to New Zealand. Pray that God would continue to provide miraculously for her family and through that they would come to know Christ as Savior.

Little Adventures

These past 24 hours of been quite eventful. I started having strong abdominal pain just after 5pm but assumed it would go away soon. I drank a fruit smoothie and took some medicine to balance the acidity in my stomach. A few hours later I ate dinner and decided it would be best to lay down. I tried many things to make myself more comfortable but it wasn't proving to be an easy task. I distracted myself with reading and talking to people but the longer I waited, the more pain I had. I fell asleep for about 20 minutes and awoke myself crying in pain. It was then I realized this wasn't just a normal stomach ache. Within the hour, I was laying in a hospital bed in the ER with a drip in my arm. I went through some blood tests, urine tests, and a sonar test this morning. After all of these things, they finally said they believe the extreme pain is being caused by stomach ulcers which have probably developed due to stress and the amount of medicine I had to take for my shoulder injury. I am now on 4 new medicines and will be taking them for the next 4 weeks.

Usually, this would stress me out even more but I'm starting to see these things for what they are. I know that this is spiritual warfare. Satan has tried getting me down emotionally a lot over the past few weeks and since he failed, he is now going after my physical health. This is frustrating but I also know that the only reason Satan is attacking is because he knows the work being done here is advancing the Kingdom of God and it makes him cringe. Little does he know that stomach ulcers will not hold me down. I may be sick physically but that does not mean that God won't be able to use me. I'm getting the rest I need during this weekend to make sure I am ready for the children on Monday.

I love looking at God's timing for all of these things. Even though he does allow Satan to attack, He is still sovereign and has control over it all. I was told that I need to take these medicines but I also need to reduce stress in my life and take time out to rest. This is something that is very difficult to do but God knows me well enough to know I will struggle with that. He has already provided a holiday in a week that will allow me that time to rest and de-stress that I need. Praise God that He knows me so well!

This is just another little adventure of the journey that God is taking me on.

Old Blogs

I recently read through all of my blogs from my first trip to South Africa. It amazed me to be able to look back on the journey God has taken me on over the past two years. Two years seems like such a long time but it has flown by. So much has happened during these two years that I don't know I could fully consolidate it to one blog. I have thought about compiling all of my blog entries along with some of my journal entries into a book for myself and those who would want one. Unfortunately, I don't think I will be able to do that until my next visit home in a year and a half. Until then, I thought it would be a good idea to put all of my entries in one place. So, many of you may have already read all of the posts I just added to this blog but feel free to read through them again. If you want to read them from beginning to end you need to start at the first entry from September. They are full of amazing stories and lessons that God has taught me over the years and I hope you will find them encouraging. Our God is still at work and in the business of healing hearts and restoring lives. Let us never forget that!

Community

Originally posted on 9/8/09

Today marks one year since this crazy journey began. I thought it would be fitting to post about some of the people that have impacted me the most during this time, those that I lived in community with for 5 months...

Aaryn- Aaryn is one of a kind. She is firm yet loving. Aaryn was my disciple second semester so I got the opportunity to get to know her better. She is an amazing woman of God who is not ever content for mediocrity. She is always striving to go deeper with her relationship with Christ and push others to do the same. She was there to speak truth over me and call out the things I needed to change. She loved me for who I was at that moment but saw who God wanted me to be and pushed me towards that constantly.

Amber- Amber is so full of wisdom. I don't even know if she realizes it but the Lord has anointed her to speak His word. Amber is bubbly and energetic. Her joy and laugh are contagious. She oversaw our ministries and checked in on us regularly to see what needed to be improved. She was constantly encouraging us to love more and pray more. God gave her the words to push us forward when we needed it most.

Andrea- Andrea is one of the sweetest people I have ever met. She seems quiet at first, but don't be fooled: she has some spunk in her! Andrea was my bunkmate and was always dropping things behind my bed. It's funny how you miss that when you have your own room. We always seemed to be on the same page: especially with sleep schedules. It was great, first to go to bed and last to wake up. Andrea had a knack for hearing from the Lord. I struggle to be quiet before God and really hear from Him but she set a great example. Her heart is shaped for service and love and it's beautiful.

Ellen: Ellen is full of faith. She knows God has big plans for her life and she is running after them. She has shown me the example of unwavering faith I needed to see. Sarah Buller was one of Ellen's best friends from home and despite this loss Ellen continued to praise God and push forward without hesitation. I love that about her. She is a great listener and just a lot of fun to be around. I have a truly amazing friend in her and I couldn't be more grateful that God placed her in my life. I'm excited to see the journey God continues to take her on within Africa.

Alexis: Oh Alexis! Alexis has one of the most amazing laughs, ever. You can't help but smile when you're around her. She has the most outgoing personality and makes everyone feel comfortable, that is until she really gets to know you and puts you in uncomfortable positions just for fun. Alexis was in the same classroom with me at Ithemba so we worked together for Bible Study all second semester. Her heart to teach the kids about God was so encouraging. She loved them with everything that she had. We started praying that God would show up in those times and really give the kids a hunger for Him and He did. It was an amazing experience to share together and I couldn't have picked a better partner.

Faith: Faith was given her name for a reason. She believes in the things most don't see and see's them because of her faith. She and I worked together with the youth at Deo Doxa and it was a great time of fellowship. She was always stepping up to the plate to help in whatever way possible: from leading games to leading small group discussions. Her faith encouraged me to pray prayers expectantly and really give God the chance to show up in ways I wouldn't let Him before.

Ashley: Ashley is one of the most real people I know. She has a huge heart for those that are hurting and you could see it in all of her actions. Ashley was a constant encouragement to me, always reminding me to lay all of my burdens at the foot of the cross. Her and I got to work together and Ithemba first semester and do house visits together second semester. Both of those ministries contain sweet memories of times together. Ashley was always bold and willing to speak about her life and the ways God has changed her. She never held back her past or present heart aches if it would help someone else out. This was a huge encouragement to me to be more open with my story and allow God to use it to bring Him glory. It was sweet to see Him do that through her.

Brittany- B is nothing short of amazing. She was the one to always keep us laughing. As humorous as B always was, she had a heart that was broken for those around her. Brittany took the burden of others pain upon herself; she carried that burden with you. Her heart for the Lord is contagious. She is so joyful in serving and can make anything and everything a fun task. I love the times just laying in her bed laughing (especially after she threw me out unknowingly) or staying up late talking about life. She is going to be an amazing leader. She is an amazing leader.

Samantha- Sama is my hero, especially with her amazing ninja skills. Really though, Sama has an amazing amount of patience and love for children that I desire to have more of. She would have 20+ kids in her class that would be crazy loud that required a lot of attention and energy yet at the end of class she would clean the entire classroom. She too has an amazing servant heart. She sees those that most overlook and pours her time and energy into loving them and showing them that they are special to Christ and special to her. She loves with all that she has and it leaves people changed. Sama is my sister. She always told me how much I reminded her of her sister so I became her sister during the trip.

Brianna: Sweet Bri. Bri was one of my best friends from first semester so I was ecstatic about living with her second semester. Bri always encouraged me whether it was through notes, words, or just time together. She is truly one of the people who impacted my life the most during this year. She was a great friend that was always willing to listen, or run away and get an avalanche with me, especially when I needed it most. She, like I, was learning a lot about letting others and God love you but she never had a problem loving others. She loved people like her life depended on it, doing anything and everything to bring joy and encouragement. Christ shined brightly through her as she daily served us in many different ways. Bri is a great friend and I am blessed to have her in my life.

Sydney- Syd encompasses the essence of love. She's got it figured out. She is sweet-spirited but has a fire deep inside her bones. Her heart screams out against the injustice and her actions follow close behind. She is genuine in both word and deed. Sydney is an amazing listener and always asks the questions that point you back to Christ. Her thinking would be considered unconventional by most but I think that's because she takes God at His word. She doesn't water down the truth. She calls it what it is and lives accordingly. I admire that about her. God uses her to speak His love and truth over everyone that she meets. She too is a great leader and has so much to offer those willing to sit and listen.

Our community had its faults but God was among us. He filled each room of that house and spurred us on towards love. We are all made for community, made to hold each other up and have accountability, made to love beyond boundaries, and made to work together to fulfill His purpose. Those five months have shown me more about community than I ever knew. Each one of these girls holds a special place in my heart. I'm eternally grateful that I got to spend so much time with them, seeing their heart and seeing God move in and through them. My life hasn't been the same since our community seperated to various areas of the world. But I'm excited about the road God has ahead of each and every one of them. They are all going to change this world, mark my words.

Something On The Road

Originally posted on 9/8/09

I've been thinking about Africa a lot lately, even more so than usual. I've been thinking about the ways I saw God show up within Jeffreys Bay and in my own life. I've been thinking about my children- His children. I've been thinking about the faces, the names, the memories. It's all so weird. This journey began a year ago yet it seems like a different lifetime that I was in South Africa. In trying to make sense of all my thoughts, emotions and memories I stumbled upon a song I had heard a few times before. In really listening to the words, I couldn't have said it better myself...

"I saw what I saw"
By: Sara Groves

I saw what I saw and I can't forget it
I heard what I heard and I can't go back
I know what I know and I can't deny it

Something on the road, cut me to the soul

Your pain has changed me
Your dream inspires
Your face a memory
Your hope a fire
Your courage asks me what I am made of
And what I know of love

We've done what we've done and we can't erase it
We are what we are and it's more than enough
We have what we have but it's no substitution

Something on the road, touched my very soul

I say what I say with no hesitation
I have what I have and I'm giving it up
I do what I do with deep conviction

Something on the road, changed my world

No words can ever describe the experience I had in South Africa. No words can ever paint the picture I saw of poverty, disease, and loneliness. The piles of trash that were ever growing, the glass that lined all of the "streets" in the township, the absurd amounts of taverns, the women that lived with abusive boyfriends, the children that couldn't go to school because their parents had no money for the school fees yet alone the uniforms. It's not fair. It's not right. Children prostitute themselves to provide money for their siblings that they end up raising because their parents are dying or have already died of AIDS. Husbands drown themselves in liquor to take the sting of poverty and sin away, ultimately diving more into both issues. Wives stay with husbands that have no concern for them or their children because that is all they have ever known. Abuse is everywhere: parents beating their children, husbands beating their wives. You can see the despair on so many faces. It's not fair. It's not right.

I could go on and on about the depressing sites you will see once entering the township but that's not where the story ends. God is redeeming each and every one of these situations. God is using His people around the world to bring hope. We can all learn from these situations. We can learn about hopes and dreams and courage. We can learn about Christ love and grace that is more than enough. We can learn about the body of Christ as we see it in action bringing hope and healing to His hurting people. These stories, these situations, these friends are more than just a memory in my heart and mind. They are what stir me on toward Christ. They are the reminder that though I am weak and only one, I can make a difference by sharing the love of Christ. They are who inspire me to never give up and to never stop hoping. These aren't just stories or situations, these are my friends. These are those who have captured my heart and changed it forever. Their pain has changed me, their dream inspires, their face a memory, their hope a fire, their courage asks me what I am made of and what I know of love.

Reflection

Originally posted on 9/1/09

I have been meaning to do this for quite some time now but I always manage to put it off. I reflect over the past year often, that isn't the problem. The problem is putting eight months that were full of spiritual warfare, highs and lows, heartache and ultimate joy, death and everlasting life, community and personal growth into words is nearly impossible. The eight months I spent in Africa were some of the most difficult yet most impactful months of my life. I struggled at times and at times I never wanted to leave. It was a long journey but one well worth taking. I'm going to try to paint a better picture of my time in Africa for you so that you can see and glorify God for the work He has done and is doing.

Dan Rather said it well, "If all difficulties were known at the outset of a long journey, most of us would never start out at all." If I had known the trials that were to come when I set off for Africa, I can almost promise you I would not have gotten on that plane. I couldn't be more grateful that I did though...

The first two months were extremely difficult for me. I struggled to find my place on a team of 41 students and 14 leaders. I battled with culture shock. I was uncertain of my decision in leaving the life I knew. God was molding me more and more into His daughter, but it was a difficult and often painful process. I was learning about the identity I had claimed for years but never really understood. I was learning about my formulaic life and the areas where I had completely missed the whole point. There were days I had no idea what I was doing being in South Africa, but looking back I know God knew and was preparing me for His purpose. There were some dark days as I tried to work through all of these things, but those dark days ultimately made His light shine brighter. It took me seeing, and feeling, the lies and hurt of a broken identity to see, and feel, the beauty of truly being His beloved daughter. It took me seeing, and feeling, the loneliness to see, and feel, the loving embrace of community. It took me seeing, and feeling, the differences in the culture to see, and feel, the bond of Christ's love that overcomes all barriers. The first few months were a time of great growth and realization. There were many times I wondered if it was worth it but I can say with confidence that every bit of pain and every tear that came during those months were beyond worth it. I have been able to see myself more as God sees me and in that I have been able to see others more as God sees them. I have learned what His love looks likes through my leaders and teammates that never stopped pouring into me during those difficult times. They continually spoke Christ's love and truth into my life and as a result, I have been changed.

The difficulties didn't end after the first few months. However, I was a new creation with a new strength and confidence to deal with the trials to come. The next five months will forever be etched into my heart...

I lived in a house with nine other teammates and two leaders. They showed me Christ's love in daily, tangible ways. They showed me the Church at its finest form. They became far more than teammates and friends, they became my family. This family, this Church, forever changed my life. Sure, we fought at times and got on each other's nerves. However, those times don't come up when I think about our community. Instead, I think of the family fast we did or the nights of worship in the back room. I remember the countless times we would make cookie dough and sit in the living room eating it out of the bowl, never letting it make its way to the oven. I remember the nights sitting around the small table playing cards. I remember the days filled with sweet memories of ministry. I remember the times we spent in prayer together. I remember our Tuesday/Thursday lunches at the beach. I remember their names and their hearts like we were just together. I could go on forever but I will share more about them on the next blog. They are so important to this journey because they were what kept me going and what continued to challenge me.

The aspect that changed my heart the most during the last five months of the trip was the ministry. How do you define ministry? Well, in Africa you define ministry as love. Sometimes you have nothing else to offer but love. I don't want to downplay that though because that is the need. The need is love. The need is Christ and Christ is love. Just as I needed to hear it, see it, and feel it the first semester of the trip I needed to give it out unconditionally for others to hear it, see it, and feel it the second semester. I couldn't give what I didn't clearly know. Sure I knew love before this trip but by no means is it in the way I know it now. God gave me those first few months to change my view on love and to feel it in a new way and He gave me those next five months to pour that same love out onto the community of JBay.
I could tell you countless stories of situations most would consider hopeless. I could tell you numerous situations where I remember my heart breaking. My heart literally hurt for the people of Jeffreys Bay. My heart still hurts for the people of Jeffreys Bay. But I promise you there is hope. There is hope, there is hope, there is hope! You see it at Ithemba in the kids who come daily that desire to learn more about God. You see it in the ladies that continue to take in more children than they have room or money for because they know what will happen to them if they don't. You see it in the women speaking out about their abusive boyfriends. You see it in the women choosing to spend time studying God's word. You see it all around if your eyes are open to it. I saw it in my children. I saw it in the bible study we did as they began to really ask questions and think about the things we talked about. I saw it in my students as they took leadership within Ithemba and cared for the younger kids. I saw it in a specific student that was eager to learn new things in order to better his chances of breaking the hold of poverty. There is hope, there is hope, there is hope! There are people in Jeffreys Bay that are changing the world. They are living out their calling of making disciples, caring for the orphans and looking after the widows. Their faith shown daily through their actions greatly challenged me and continues to do so. They have changed my life. I go to sleep often thinking about them and praying for them. I dream about my kids and the men and women they will become. I miss them and long to see them again because they are Christ. They are Christ to each other and they are Christ to the dying community around them. They are "the least of these" that seem to offer more and more of themselves and everything that they have. My life will never be the same because of the kids God gave me time to spend with. Alelutho, Shawn, Candi, Jeidre, Lompi, Caitlyn, Marayna, Laikin: These children all have a portion of my heart and these only name a few. Then there are the ladies that work at Ithemba: Lusanda, Queen, and Nomsa. I love these women far more than words can express. Especially Nomsa, as I got to spend hours with her daily. Nomsa is a dear friend that continues to capture my heart through every conversation. This woman is so in love with Jesus and so crazy that you can't help but love her. I wish each one of you could meet her, you would forever be changed.

These are the joys that came with second semester but I would be kidding myself if I said it was all good and easy after the first few months. There were many trials that came: from being mugged, experiencing the joy of being pepper sprayed, letting a best friend leave, to the hardest of all: the loss of a dear friend, Sarah Buller. When asked what had the most impact on me during my time in Africa, my answer is always Buller. She was one of my roommates first semester and we shared many sweet times together. Sarah is love. Sarah is joy. Sarah was an amazing friend and an amazing warrior for Christ. It would take me pages upon pages to try to describe her adequately. She had such a huge impact on our team, Jeffreys Bay, and Port Elizabeth. She knew her purpose and she was living it out daily. On April 5^th, Sarah Buller was killed in a car accident. April 5^th forever changed mine, and my teammates, lives. We lost far more than a teammate; we lost a dear friend and sister in Christ. We struggled to understand why this would happen. It was a long, difficult struggle but our answer was Christ. It was the only answer. It was all Sarah was living for, so her death ultimately led us closer to Him. It was harder than words will ever do justice. There were many tears, and continue to be even now. But the beauty of it all is that there is no power in death. Satan had no power in Sarah's death. Sarah is now exactly where she desired to be most: praising her Heavenly Father, the King of kings and Lord of lords. Christ has victory in all situations and we saw that clearly in Buller's death. I will never forget the difference she made on Jeffreys Bay for Him and I will never forget the difference she made in my life, pushing me closer and closer to Christ.

Difficulties will come. They will often seem like barriers that are too tall to climb. Don't shrink in fear of the trials, for that is where the most growth happens. That is where your faith becomes real. That is where the power of Christ is evident. There is hope, there is hope, there is hope. There is hope in death. There is hope for the life that seems to difficult to live. There is hope for the children who are going to bed without having eaten a meal tonight. There is hope for the American going to bed over indulged and living a life outside of God's will. There is hope, there is hope, there is hope.

God wrecked me this year. He wrecked my life for the ordinary. He ruined the picture I had in my head of what my life was supposed to look like. And to be honest, it was one of the hardest years of my life. But I would never change it. It's been a struggle being back home and trying to find my place here. There have been many days where I didn't want to face life in America. God is slowly, yet continually, showing me small glimpses of His plan for my life. I'm excited to say that this year in Africa was only the beginning of the plans He has for me. I don't know details of what is to come but I know that I serve a mighty God whose heart is for His hurting people. My heart is to be His hands and feet to those hurting people: to love them unconditionally like He has done for me. I'm seeking out where He would have me do that but as I wait on His voice and timing; I'm starting where He has me now. This is my life: it's a rollercoaster but our God is never-changing. He is the same God yesterday, today, and tomorrow. He is the God of hope. Because of Him there is hope, there is hope, there is hope! Never forget it.

Wrapping Up

Originally posted on 5/9/09

Tuesday was our last day of ministry and now we are busy saying goodbyes and wrapping things up here. It was very hard to say goodbye to everyone that I've grown to love but I know that God has them in His hands and will continue to grow them. I will be leaving on Wednesday at half past 12 and will arrive in DC at 6am on Thursday. From there we will travel to Georgia for a short time of debrief with our team and I will be back in Charlotte on Friday afternoon. I am excited to spend time with my friends and family that I have missed dearly but am struggling to say goodbye. Jeffreys Bay has become my home and my team has become my family. Which leads me to some big news, God has been pressing on my heart that this isn't the end. These relationships are not really over. Some of them are and I have to be okay with that but I'm taking heart in the fact that he has more planned for many of the relationships. I am still praying for clear direction but I know that God is calling me back here. Whether it be a few months, another year, or many years later, I know this isn't a final goodbye. As of right now, with much prayer and thought, I am looking at coming back in January for at least 6 months maybe a year. I have no details at all. God is teaching me to live in faith and trust Him with everythign so I am doing my best to do just that. As He lays more on my heart I will keep you all updated. Please keep my team in your prayers as we say our last goodbyes and wrap things up. And pray for God's direction, leading, and provision as I look to the future and coming back. Thank you all very much for your continual support of what God is doing in my life. I love you all dearly!

Rollercoaster Ride

Originally posted on 4/25/09

I want to start off with an apology. I am sorry I haven't kept up with the blog over the past few weeks. I do want you to know that during this time God has moving among us. Since I last wrote, it has been a rollercoaster ride here in Jeffreys. There have been some great highs but also some of the lowest lows I have had to experience.

I will start with a high- ministry. The 2nd of April was our last day of ministry for a long holiday. It was a Thursday so we had house visits in the morning followed by Ithemba. I remember walking away from that day so encouraged about what God was doing. During house visits, we met one of our regular families neighbor/friend. We sat and played cards for awhile as we talked about life and why we are in Jeffreys. We took that time to get to know her and her heart. She shared about her family and about the community. We talked about the issues that we see on a regular basis. Issues of abuse and alcohol. Issues of loneliness and temptations. We asked them if they wanted to study a passage of the Bible with us and Shamel, the friend that introduced us, said no. This was hard to hear because God has been really working on her heart and stirring a hunger in her for truth. I knew something was wrong so I asked why she wasn't interested. She began pouring out her heart to us and telling her how last night her boyfriend beat her up. She had bruises all over her arms. She then told us that the scar on her face was from a previous time when he stabbed her. My heart broke instantly. What do you say to a women who faces threats to be murdered if she leaves, yet if she stays she endures beatings? We sat there and let her pour out her heart. We sat and listened. We prayed. We spoke truth of God's love for her and how beautiful she is. We could not tell her what to do, that decision was hers. But God allowed us to be there for her and speak truth about His love and mercy. Afterwards, she had to leave but her friend began telling us of her alcohol addiction and how hard it is to quit. My other two teammates listened to her, prayed for her, and spoke truth into her life. During that time, God just told me to pray. So I began praying for the many kids that live in this area. God urged me to pray for protection, but not just physical protection. Protection over their hearts and over their minds. Protection from the stronghold of alcohol they see daily. Protection from the lies Satan will feed them over their parents fighting. I can't tell you the outcome from those prayers or the words spoken to our two friends. All I know is God's word does not return void. I cling to that truth with every word spoken over these woman's lives. 


I spent the next few days relaxing and spending time fellowshiping with the other ministry partners in the area. On Sunday, I left for Cape Town to spend time with friends and allow God to rejuvenate me. As we were reaching Cape Town, we received a phone call informing us there had been an accident. 3 of my teammates and a church member from the Port Elizabeth team were in the car. We were stopped at a petrol station so we stayed there for a little while longer and prayed. Assuming everything would be fine and knowing there was nothing else we could do, we kept driving. Within 30 minutes a second call came. Sarah didn't make it. I can't begin to tell you the emotions that ran through my head. Every possible thought was racing through my mind over and over again. We turned around and drove the 7hrs back to Jeffreys Bay. The following week was a week filled with questions, emotions, and darkness. Why God, why Sarah, why now? I was so upset that I didn't know what to do, so I did just that- nothing. This would be where the low was evident.

It wasn't until Sarah's memorial service that God began pushing me towards healing. I had run for it for the first days afterwards. I ran hard away from it. But as I remembered Sarah's life and friendship the only direction I could go was towards God. I still had questions, I still had many many emotions, but I got a glimpse of hope that day. I knew I had to fight for healing and fight for God's purpose in this situation, and I struggled to do so. It wasn't until we went to Cape Town, as a team- along with our Port Elizabeth friends, that God truly revealed Himself in this situation. Was it easy? No. Did it sting? More than I can put to words. But during the last night we were there, God just spoke clearly to my heart. He brought back all of the characteristics I admired in my friend Sarah. Her listening ear, her gentle spirit, her caring heart, her abounding love, her willingness to forgive, her persistent nature, her willingness to do anything to bring God glory, her words of wisdom and support, her laugh, and God would not let me forget that beautiful smile. The smile that lit up every room she walked in. The smile that brought hope to those she ministered to. The smile that always cheered me up when I walked into our room last semester. All of these things ran through my head, numerous memories that made me smile, laugh and cry. And I just knew God was pushing me towards those things. The fruits of the Spirit that so much of Sarah's life characterized. Sarah was much more than a roommate, or a teammate, she was a beloved friend and an example of what a child of God truly looks like. For that friendship and example, I will forever be grateful. Sarah's life taught me so much about God but her death took those things I saw in her and the things I learned from her and moved them from my head in to my heart. God has been trying to do that with so many things this semester and He used Sarah to help. That last night we sat around and just sang out praises to God. We sang of His love and His greatness, of His light and His hope. And I honestly felt it in my heart. I felt it so much that I couldn't help but smile and cry tears of joy. God is good. No, God is great! There is hope, hope that makes no sense but comes just as we need it most. There is joy in and strength at the foot of the cross but you must first surrender the "happiness" life and the world we live in offers us. I hate it took Sarah's death to open my eyes to these things but I am eternally grateful for her life, friendship, example, and continual impact. 


Now I know this only covers a portion of what God has been teaching and the ways that He has been moving but you can be sure that this only scratches at the surface of what He is doing in our hearts and the hearts of those in Jeffreys Bay, Port Elizabeth, and Swazi. Please continue to lift up all of these teams. Pray that God continues to receive glory from everything: life, death, joy, sorrow, laughter, tears, and the goodbyes. Pray that as we finish up our work here that the people we minister to will see Christ and look to Him for their needs. Pray that even though goodbyes sting and are hard that the joy of the Lord will be much greater. Thank you all for your continual support. Your prayers have been felt here, especially in these last few weeks. You have been a great ministry to me and my team. I look forward to telling you more about the things God has done, is doing, and is directing me to in the future. I love you all!

Amazing Week

Originally posted on 3/20/09

God has been teaching me a lot this week about His love and my response to it. We are reading a book called Crazy Love by Francis Chan and I recommend it to everyone. It's eye-openeing and challenging. I will go into detail about the book and what I have taken away from it on my next post but I feel like this teaching time is what has compelled me and my team to make the most of every oppurtunity, making this a memorable week.

We are starting to really study the Bible with the group of ladies we visit on Tuesday and Thursday morning and you can see the hunger they have. It is amazing to see and even more encouraging that God is giving us oppurtunities to really speak truth into their lives and challenging us with those same truths. Continue to pray that the hunger will grow inside of them and that they will be moved to action by the things they read.

God has also been moving at Ithemba. Kids are opening up and being real with us. I really feel like Jeffreys is hungry for truth. They are craving it, they are just looking in the wrong places. You can even see it in the kids lives and how they have started to really listen when we read the Bible and discuss it. They are asking hard quesitons about what to do in situations and how to live what we talk about out. Something is being stirred up, that is for sure.

I know this is a quick update but I just want you all to know that God is at work here. In my life, in the life of my teammates and in this community! From answering prayers, to guiding and directing us, to giving peace, and breaking hearts, God is working. He made the pouring, and I mean POURING, rain stop so that we could do house visits. He has guided us to other people to visit. He has taught us all about His love and His holiness. He is just pretty amazing... what more can I say?

God Is Moving

Originally posted on 3/13/09

God is moving here in Jeffreys. He always has been but this week I was able to see it even more clearly. We've had opportunity after opportunity to speak truth. From talking about ancestral worship during house visits to talking about forgiveness and grace at Ithemba, truth is being heard and challenging many.
God is stirring up things in our class at Ithemba, I can just feel it. We were able to speak boldly during our bible time and talk about the hard things that happen here in the culture. We talked about rape and murder on Monday and the kids openly said that it can't be forgiven. That opened doors to really just talk with them and share our passions. We shared our stories and examples where God has forgiven us when we didn't deserve it and we shared about examples where we had to forgive when they didn't deserve it. The kids were sitting there listening more than I think they have ever before. We were able to share parts of our lives with them which was really important and God totally used it. On Tuesday, many of our kids were in a fight on the street against other students from another school. It was disappointing and discouraging but it truly was another opportunity to speak on the issue of forgiveness. We talked about the fight and why and asked them what they thought about forgiveness. They all agreed that it was important and that in the situation they weren't being forgiving. I was praying for guidance because I had no idea where to go from there but Nomsa began speaking and the spirit was leading that conversation. We told them that we are at Ithemba because we love them and we want to share the hope that we have with them. We told them that we want to play and have fun with them, that we want to teach them, but our purpose is to speak truth and tell them about God. We then went on to explain accountability. I gave the example of giving them 10 rand and be held accountable means I need a cash slip for how they spent the 10 rand. They understood so I went on to explain that is what God does. We hear truth and we hear the Word and we are then held accountable. He gives us opportunity to live it out and holds us accountable to our reaction. We told them how much we love talking about the Bible and answering their questions but unless they began living it out, we don't need to keep talking about it. It's important to talk about it but unless there are actions that follow, the talking has no value. I think it struck the kids pretty hard. It was an intense two days but you can see that they were all listening and thinking about it and I'm excited to see how God uses those times and conversations.

Next week has potential to be another intense week with the kids. We are going to do the Beat the Drum program with our class starting on Monday. We have only talked about AIDS briefly with them and they had some good questions. We will start with the movie on Monday and then talk about values on Tuesday and split up the boys and girls on Wednesday and talk more deeply on issues and then Thursday talk about questions and commitments. It's going to be a great week and I think God is going to do big things with this program. I just ask that you'll be daily praying about the words spoken to them and the images they will see. Pray that their eyes will be opened to the seriousness of these issues and that most importantly their heart will be affected. Thank you so much for your continual support, God is using you!

Love

Originally posted on 3/6/09

Just thought I'd share a poem with you that I wrote a little while ago...

Your love oh Lord
Is beyond reason
My mind cannot even begin to understand

How you continue to pursue me through every season

I run, trip and fall
But despite my shortcomings
You love me through it all

Nothing I do turns you away

Sin has damaged my beauty
Yet your love forgives and restores
No matter the sin

You throw it further than the distant shores

Even when I chose to follow you
I am undeserving at best
Yet you still desire relationship
And to give my spirit rest

Your love unlocks prison gates
And sets the captives free
It washes over the blind
And causes them to see

It comforts those who mourn
And provides for those without
It heals the broken
And overcomes our doubt

It compels us to action
And draws us near to you
Your love is so overwhelming

That it causes us to love too

No words could ever describe

The depth and sincerity of your love
All I really know is
I am cared for by my father above

I can do nothing to repay you
I have little to nothing to give
Yet all I have is yours
I chose to love you with the life I live

An Opportunity

Originally posted on 2/28/09

I mentioned that God has been breaking my heart and showing me more of His ways this week but I want to take time to share the things going on. I found out at the beginning of the week that one of the girls that was in my class last semester at Ithemba was raped. She has been staying in Joburg since before Christmas but is no longer safe there. Her life was threatened if she told anyone, which she eventually did. The man is either in hiding within the town or has escaped but when people found out they went to beat him. Luckily, they believed and supported her but if the man is still within the town her life is in danger. The situation is complicated now because the social workers are involved, as well as the police but it's going to cost around $80 US dollars to bring her back from Joburg to Jeffreys. My team is waiting to find out when we can help but the political aspect of it has to be sorted out first.

Later in the week I was able to talk to a few of the girls from Zimbabwe that are in my class. To give a bit of background the situation in Zim is not good. There have been many people coming from there to stay in South Africa until the political situation settles down. There have been difficulties with communication, medicine, schools and basic necessities for awhile now. Needless to say, those who were able to leave have left. These two girls are actually two of 5 girls staying with their aunt here in Jeffreys until things settle down, which nobody really knows when it will be safe again. They were sharing their hearts and what has been weighing them down, which was a really good opportunity to just encourage them. Neither one of them are able to go to school because their school fees would be $42 US dollars a month per person and there are 5 of them. They both shared with me though that it would really help their family and them if their younger sister was able to go to school. She struggles the most out of their family with her English and it's very important that she learns it. It's something I have begun praying about and would like to ask that you would join me in that. These are two very big needs that have come up just among my class at Ithemba and I'm seeking out the Lord's provision. I would like to get enough funds for at the least the youngest to go to school for 6 months (the rest of the school year here) and be able to bring the other girl back from Joburg. If you would like to be a part of meeting this need, let me know by leaving a comment or writing me an e-mail at mkroege1@gmail.com and I can give you more details.

A Challenge

Originally posted on 2/28/09

God has been challenging me all week to really see with His eyes. He has broken my heart and pointed out a flawed perspective yet again. However, the more this happens the more I realize it's the American perspective I've grown accustomed and numb to... Let me specify:

When did it become normal to spend $10-$20 for one meal for one person at a "nice" restaurant, when that could feed a family of 5+ for ½ a week in other countries?

When did it become normal to pass by the homeless person standing at the same street for a third week in a row without even looking?

When did it become normal to give in to the thought that "everyone is after your money" or some other physical need?

When did it become normal to be numb to the needs around us?

When did it become normal to wake up on Sunday morning and the occasional Wednesday night and sit through a Church service and walk away completely unchanged and unaffected?

When did it become normal for God to be just another person we must answer to?

When did we lose sight of relationship?

When did we make the battle against flesh and bone instead of the spiritual realm?

Maybe the best question to ask though is when is enough really going to be enough? When do we finally get fed up with living outside of God's plan? When do really begin to see injustice for what it is and do something about it? When will we truly learn to love God, our neighbors, and our enemies? When will we really begin feeling again?

I've made all of these questions with "we" in them for a reason. I am included in this problem and God is giving me a clearer perspective on it the longer I am away from America and immersed in the injustice that is "normal" life. I don't know when living on the streets, poverty, rape, and HIV/AIDS became "normal" but for many here it is. Our world has become overly corrupt by our sin and if we don't open our eyes to see it for what it is and chose to do something about it, I don't even know what to expect but I do know that I don't want to be around to see the effects. We have a responsibility as followers of Christ to truly follow Christ. That means going behind Him on the same path. I think it's fair to say we have found our way to a different path and we desire to seek Him and follow Him but Christ has called us to a higher road, a higher standard. It looks differently for all of us but God has just been convicting me of many things such as the money I spend on food considering the circumstances of most here. We really just need to seek out what God is calling us to in our daily lives. We need to find our way out of this numb state and begin feeling for others and feeling ourselves the love God has for us and the change it brings.

Ups and Downs

Originally posted on 2/19/09

It was a really rough week last week. I didn't write about it directly because I was and still am processing everything that took place. It started off on Tuesday with a really long day of ministry that when finished, I felt completely useless. Virginia's has only had about 3 kids there for the past few weeks. So being there has been a struggle to find out where I can be used. After thinking and praying about it we are no longer going to be helping there. Instead I will be doing house visits both days . That made Tuesday really long and hard and it was only the beginning. I then went to Ithemba and had a very stressful and challenging day emotionally. I left feeling drained and like the day had been wasted. Wednesday was another stressful day because it was rainy so we couldn't play outside or do anything outside with the kids. Having been inside all day long, they were even crazier! We were supposed to have the usual day with them but the tables and bookshelves from the rooms were being painted so we didn't have anywhere to really do class. Then add in some stress from living in community and having to cook all week and I had very little left in me. I hadn't gotten much sleep and was really just fighting to finish the week. Thursday rolled around and I had to pray for God's strength to face the day, already feeling discouraged from the week. The day got off to a rough start with differences among our small ministry teams and we ended up switching house visit teams for the day. I went with Alexis and Ellen to visit their friend and we sat and talked with her, her sister and her boyfriend for awhile. I left feeling a little better about the day. So, we walked to the beach for our hour break between ministries to meet up with the rest of the girls for lunch. However, on the way there my day got much worse. As we were walking down the main road through the township, we passed over a small side street as a truck was turning so we had to stop. Right after the truck passed I got this really weird feeling and then two guys approached us. The one had his hand on my shoulder, I guess holding my bag. He was speaking to me in Xhosa but I had no idea what was going on. He then opened a switch blade on my arm and the other guy yelled for me to hurry if I didn't want to get hurt. That's when I realized what was going on. I looked down at the knife as he was helping take my bag off my shoulder. He then went towards Ellen and got her book bag and ran off into a field. It all happened so fast that I was completely shocked and taken back. I don't remember many details or even what the guys looked like or anything else said. It was the scariest yet weirdest thing I've ever experienced. We all three just got away from the situation really quickly. Our leader picked us up and we talked about what happened. I didn't go to Ithemba because I was emotionally spent and way too shaken up to do anything. I spent the weekend trying to process the week yet also relax after all the stress. It was challenging but after stepping back and looking at the week, I can see Satan being all over that. It was a week of spiritual warfare at its finest. Satan was trying to deter me and my team from ministry.

I tell you all this to ask for you guys to be on your knees for my team. I think it's safe to say that most of us have experienced a t least one challenging week lately. Satan is trying to stop us from what we're doing and I strongly believe it's because God wants to do something big here. I am asking for you to be in consistent prayer for what God is doing and for the attacks Satan is planning. Pray for protection, we aren't called to a safe life as Christians and we know that but we are asking for His protection in the dangerous situations. Your prayers are needed and appreciated. I love you all and can't wait to share with you face to face the things God is doing. He has already changed my really hard and bad week and given me hope for the situations here. This week was much better and God has really been working in the hearts of the kids in my class at Ithemba. They are asking questions and starting to hunger for the Word which has been my prayer for awhile know and I would love for you to join me in that. God is at work here and has victory even in the situations like the mugging... I love you guys! Thank you for everything you are doing. You mean more to me and this ministry than you know.

Oh, and pray that the men that mugged us would somehow come to know Christ through this situation. In my friend Ellen's bag was her ipod with all christian music on it and her bible. God has done crazier things before, so pray that they will read the Bible and listen to the music and be drawn to Him.

Living Life To The Full

Originally posted on 2/13/09

Besides the usual ministry, God is really teaching me about Him. I'm realizing I don't really know what it looks like to rely fully on Him and as I've been praying about it He has been giving me opportunities to practice it. Don't you hate that? Not only has He begun to teach me about that but He gave me a huge wake-up call. Tomorrow isn't guaranteed. The rest of today isn't even guaranteed. Honestly, we don't deserve it. It's a blessing from God and an opportunity to bring Him glory. It's not for any other reason than His glory. Am I making the most of every opportunity? Are you? I think it's a question we all need to be asking ourselves daily, sometimes even moment by moment. We're not here for our glory, needs, desires, any of that. We simply exist to bring glory to God. How are we doing that? If something happened today would you look back, even just on the day, and see God's glory and His kingdom here on this earth or would you look back and see another "normal" day gone by.

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life and have it to the full." – John 10:10

I don't know if you realize it but it's something God has made clear to me, this is happening ALL around us. The thief is stealing, killing, and destroying. And instead of having life to the full, we have allowed Satan to continue doing these things as we consider it "normal" life. Satan has stolen joy, killed our passion, and is destroying lives, families, communities, and nations! When do we really begin to take this verse to heart and run with it? When do we begin living out Isaiah 61?

"The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners... to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair."
Verses 1-3

God calls us to live life to the full and gives us an applicable way to do that, it's Isaiah 61:1-3. He has warned us of the things that Satan will try to do but promises life in Him. That "full" life is going to look differently for everyone but I fully believe that those few verses should be a huge part of it. However, living life to the full doesn't exempt us from harm, by any means. It's actually quite the opposite: "If you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God. To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps" 1 Peter 2:20-21. We are going to suffer; it doesn't say if you suffer. It says if you suffer and endure. The suffering will come, the test is the endurance. I'm beginning to believe that if we can't trace any sort of suffering (physically, emotionally, mentally, relationally, etc.) to our lives than there is a problem. Suffering is an attack from Satan because He knows the power that lies within us that at the mere mention of Christ's name demons shudder. Satan attacks us when he knows we are progressing the Kingdom.

I'm continuing to seek out what this "full" life looks like and God is slowly revealing to me different aspects of it. I'm being shown repeatedly that full doesn't equal easy. But I've found hope in Deuteronomy 31:6 which says, "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God does with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." There will always be "them" in our lives. There will always be something that we can choose to live in fear about but God promises that He is with us and will not leave our side. He gives us a reason to live outside of that fear, and that reason is Him. I hope that this week you will cling to these verses the way God is teaching me to. Find hope in His promises, which is where the "rejoicing in suffering" Paul talks about in Romans comes to exist. It's not necessarily in rejoicing that you are suffering but rejoicing that in Christ there is hope and victory through the suffering.

"But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ."
-1 Corinithians 15:57

Prayer Requests

Originally posted on 2/6/09

Our team- we are doing well but we are beginning to get warn out and weary. Just pray that Satan won't be able to use that to interfere with our ministry.

Personal- I am fighting off stomach issues yet again. The doctors said it's gastritis and a spastic colon but they don't know what is really causing it. Just pray that this will be the end of stomach issues for the rest of the year.

Ithemba- We have so many more kids this semester which is a blessing but also a challenge. Many of the kids aren't consistent which makes it hard with classes and trying to teach them. Pray for consistency and that we can get to know all of the new kids and love on them the same way we've been able to with the kids from last semester.

My class- I am working on ussually 3-4 different math problems for my class alone. We split up our class from last semester into 2 classes because we have almost doubled in size and we want to be able to work with them more on their level of knowledge. My class is still on opposite levels though, some are really advanced and doing algebra and otheres are struggling with mulitiplication. It's been a challenge to make so many different worksheets for everyone and still spend one on one time to teach them and help them understand. They are doing really well though and I feel like they really want to learn. We have a few students that came from Zimbabwe because of the situations there but can't afford to go to school here so pray that we can help teach them and challenege them while they aren't in school. And just pray that God will provide away for them to go.

Our leaders: Aaryn and Amber- they are doing an amazing job leading our team of 10 but I know it's a challenge, probably even more so than we see. Pray for rest and strength, encouragement and wisdom.

The community- Many of the men in the townships are employed through the fishing industry. However, they have been on strike since before we have gotten here. This has taken its toll on the community. Many families are without food because if the men find another job they will burn down their houses. It's a really difficult situation and despite many meetings there doesn't seem to be a solution in the near future. So just pray for protection and provision for the families. And God will truly work a miracle in this situation.

Thank you so much for your continual prayers. God is moving here in Jeffreys and your prayers are part of that. Thank you for partnering with me in this ministry!

Time is Flying

Originally posted on 1/30/09

I can't believe how quickly time here is going. Monday makes 1 month since arriving back in Africa. I'm glad everything is going so smoothly that time seems to fly but at the same time it's really hard to think that there is less than 4 months left. God has done so much in this 1 month that I can't wait to see what He does with the next 3-4.

Ithemba has been really good. We started teaching again in the classes this week. We used the first week to just see where the kids were at and I have lesson plans for the next 3 weeks after. I'm really excited because I have grades 5-9 and we have a lot of new students this semester. Our class almost doubled in size so we had to split the kids by grade/skill. I still have to give some of the students harder work than others because they've all been taught at many different levels.

We are beginning to go deeper with the bible lessons that we are teaching with them, which has been sweet. We started talking about creation and the fall. The kids asked a lot of good questions and I think they're really beginning to think about what we say and the scripture we are reading. It's sweet to see them questioning instead of just accepting and believing without thought. We were able to talk about sin and how we are all lied to by the devil and that influences the things that we do and say. We talked a lot about the sin that is evident in the community and their schools and asked what they thought about everything. I think God is going to really open up a lot more doors with the students. Continue to pray for the times we have with them and that God will just use that to open up doors and give the students questions that they can receive a deeper knowledge and love for God.

On house visits, we met Julia and a couple of her neighbors. This week we hung out at her house for almost 3 hours just playing cards and getting to know each other. I left even more excited about being here in Jeffreys and doing ministry. It may sound silly, that from just spending hours playing cards with a woman and her neighbors that God increased my excitement about what He is doing but it's so true. I'm realizing that I have had a hard time seeing God move before and just seeing the ways He shows up in our lives. I think this is something that we all struggle with. But God is evident and God is moving. He is evident in the crashing of the waves and the beauty of the ocean we see as we eat lunch between ministries. He is evident in the hug and smile of the children at Ithemba. He is evident in the laughter over playing cards and hanging out with one another. He is evident in the people that stop us for prayer as we walk down the street. He is evident in the lives of my teammates as they speak truth and encourage me and this community. He is all around, we just need to open our eyes long enough to see Him move. So over playing cards, we talked and just got to know each other better. At the end we all prayed together. I feel like God really used that time to encourage all of us. God allowed us to have a day of just getting to know one another to begin building relationships that I feel He is going to use in big ways. It's just cool that He starts big things from such little efforts and opportunities such as playing cards.

I feel like this is a random blog but sometimes that's how things in my head work. Thank you for your continual support and prayers, they are making an impact here among our team and all around Jeffreys. As you continue to pray for Jeffreys and the children here, I ask that you'll begin praying for what God has in store next for me. He is stirring up a lot of ideas and passions in my heart that I'm praying about but I would love a lot of people praying with me. Thank you guys. You all are amazing!

Fighting Complacency

Originally posted on 1/23/09

God has answered many prayers of mine throughout this journey and many of them made me wonder how sincere my prayers were. The most recent example took place Monday morning. A prayer I've prayed consistently throughout this trip is just that God would give me His heart and help me to see everything through His eyes. During our discipleship time this morning, it was laid on my heart yet again, so I took time to pray for it. Later that afternoon, close to time to leave Ithemba, God showed me He is developing that in me.

I was sitting on the stage and talking with Lusanda when a woman comes in with many kids and walks harshly to the front where we were. I just knew something was wrong , I felt the atmosphere change almost immediately. The woman began speaking in Xhosa to some of the children and they all were going back in forth with what sounded like an argument building. I had no idea what was going on until Lusanda asked BrI, my teammate, if she had seen Thando's hat. It was a lot of noise and arguing over a hat. After a few minutes the yelling back and forth died down and the woman turned to her son, Thando, whose hat was the one missing, and just slapped him across the face. I understand that for some parents this would be a way to punish their child but she slapped him with intensity and for no reason at all. Thando immediately started crying and grabbed his face as he followed his mom out. The other kids just began playing like nothing had happened at all. This is "normal" for the children to see, that does not settle with me at all. The women at Ithemba were even taken back by what happened, sure they know it happens but the mother was so open about hitting her child in front of everyone. They began talking about it among themselves and said they were going to talk to her and tell her that if she is going to abuse her child that she is not welcome to do it here and she doesn't need to come back. Something does need to be said to the mother but if that is what is said Thando, an innocent child, will not be coming back.

The whole situation just broke my heart. If the mother was willing to slap her child that hard in front of many people, what happens when she gets mad and no one else is around to witness what happens? I know I can't worry about the what if's but at the same time I already know the answer. It's the sad reality for so many of the kids at Ithemba and throughout the township. The parents beat them and take out all of their anger and problems on the child. Thando is just one of many children trapped in a situation with no way out. He gets love at Ithemba from the ladies and my team but goes home to the same situation. It's just not right. It's not right at all. This is just one child's story, I know of so many more. But it is so much more than their story, it is their life, it is their hurt and pain, it is their horrible reality and it sucks more than words could ever explain. I'm beginning to see that this is what God sees and feels. I cried for Thando and the other children but how much more weeping takes place in heaven as God looks down on His beloved child faced to endure this injustice? My heart breaks for Thando and the many other children at Ithemba in similar situations but God's heart is constantly broken for all in similar situations. I was able to catch a small glimpse of that and it hurts, a lot. Did I sincerely mean that I wanted His heart and eyes? Of course I did, but I didn't realize how much it would hurt.

I'm realizing it's important to hurt though, it's important to see things from God's perspective. I never want to become complacent to the point that the injustice in our world doesn't break my heart and doesn't cause me to fall to my knees. All I can do is love on these kids and pray for them and just hope that they catch a glimpse of God's love and hope in that. I'm just begging that you all join my team in praying for these children. They see so much hurt and experience so much pain daily. They need hope, they need love, they just need God.

Just pray that God will become more and more real to them daily, that despite their situations that God will be shining through. Pray for safety for them as they do leave Ithemba and go back to their scary home situations. Pray for Thando and Victor, two of many whose abuse is obvious. Pray for justice to somehow prevail. God is the only answer for these children. I just want to see Him move in their lives. Don't allow yourself to become complacent with your everyday life. This is one story of a boy in Africa who sees injustice all around him. However, there are many similar stories and stories far worse around you. Make sure your eyes are open to see it and more than that, do something about it. We could sit around and ask questions about why God allows things like this to happen but the better question to ask is what are we doing about it? Are we on our knees asking for God's mercy and justice? Are we doing our best to show them Christ love and hope? Are we even taking time out to notice those that Christ himself spent all of His time with- the broken, hurting, confused, and outcasts? I'm convinced that we can always do more. We can love more, pray more, and help more. And when we have nothing left to give, Christ will continue to pour out of us for His children. So let us not become weary in doing good, let us wake up to the injustice surrounding us, and let us do something about it. The time is now, what are we going to do?

First Week

Originally posted on 1/16/09

This week has been kind of crazy with ministry but it's been really good... Monday was a day of cleaning at Ithemba so that we can get everything ready for the kids. Tuesday and Thursday morning we had First Aid training with the Ithemba team then went to our morning ministries. For house visits, I met Hester and we sat with her and 2 of her friends for a long time. She is an amazing, sweet woman that our house visit teams from last semester got really close to. We are going to continue visiting her and just encouraging her. I'm really excited to get to know her better; I can already see she has an amazing heart. The other morning I spent in Humansdorp at Virginia's. Oddly enough though, Virginia isn't going to be back until March. So Monica, her daughter, is taking over the crèche. There weren't many kids there this week because it's still holiday until Wednesday. That gave us the chance to help her clean all of the rugs and wipe down the crèche so that it will be ready when all the kids do get there. Afterwards, we just held the few kids that were there and loved on them.

The rest of my time this week has been spent at Ithemba, cleaning and planning for this year. We are changing how we are teaching the kids and also how we are doing the bible stories with them. I'm still going to be with the older kids, but we are splitting the class in half so that we aren't teaching the kids who are at different levels things that are beyond what they've been taught in school. We're also making it a point to schedule in time to help them with the homework that they are given so that they are keeping up with their school work.

We're still planning out some of the curriculum and activities but I already just have great hopes and expectations for things this semester. God wants to do something big here, and I fully believe He's going to. It's been really encouraging to see Mama, Lusanda, and Nomsa regaining their joy and love for Ithemba. It was easy to see within the first few days of being back there. We don't know exactly what happened that sparked it but our team is just excited about the things God is doing. He's obviously already at work there and I know that it's only the beginning. Keep praying for that renewed energy and passion for Ithemba and what it stands for in the lives of all that work there. That is going to make a huge difference in the lives of the kids. They can see the heart behind what people say and do more than we think or even notice. I'm praying that they see this change and are encouraged by it also and just feel God's love in that. Another thing to pray for would be my team. We have already been hit with sickness, and we got hit pretty hard. It's already hit 6-7 of our 13. Most of us have recovered rather quickly but it's draining and discouraging so just keep our health in your prayers. Thank you for continually interceding for my team and the people of Jeffreys.

Getting Fired Up

Originally posted on 1/10/09

I have arrived safely in JBay for round 2 of ministry! I couldn't be more excited about what God has in store for us this semester. So far, since being here we've been doing some intentional ministry of visiting people and letting everyone know we are back and getting geared up to begin our ministries. We've also just been adjusting to the changes since last semester. Our group has downsized from 41 students and 14 leaders to 11 students and 2 leaders. So it's definitely been different but I know that God has big plans for our team here. We are in all girls team so your prayers of protection are much needed and appreciated.

To give you an idea of what my semester will look like this semester, I will give you a quick run down of my schedule. Mondays and Wednesday morning are discipleships from 9:30-11:30 then lunch then Ithemba from 1-5. Tuesdays from 9-2 I will be working at Virginia's which is a creche in a town over called Humansdorp. The creche has anywhere from 3-17 kids in a small shack with a small yard that we can play with them in. We will be loving on the kids, helping out Virginia with daily things such as chores, and just encouraging her. I will then go straight to Ithemba and be there until 5. Thursdays I will be doing house visits from 9-12 which will just be a time of building relationships and seeking out the people God calls us to. Afterwards I will go to Ithemba until 5. Fridays are our off days but we're looking into helping out with the youth groups here in Jeffreys so if that works out I will be helping out at Deo Doxa's youth group from 6-9ish on Friday nights. Saturday mornings are a time of family ministry so our entire group will do ministry together which will look different every week. Some weeks we will visit people in the townships and meet needs that they have such as painting their house or cleaning up their yard or cleaning up a park. This will be a great time for our team to grow closer together and really just minister to the town of Jeffreys as one body of Christ. Saturday afternoons are intentional ministry of visiting children or people that we work with or just going out and building new relationships. Each ministry that I'm going to be involved in has something new and exciting to offer and I'm just ready to jump into it. Even Ithemba is changing and is going to look much different than last semester.

I just ask that you'll pray for our team. Pray for protection, guidance, and just a fire within our souls- a holy rage inside all of us. We are all excited to see what God has in store for our team but even more excited to see what God has in store for this town of Jeffreys. We all know in our hearts He has something big planned and can't wait to see what that looks like... Thank you for your continual support and prayers, they mean more than you can know. They are truelly impacting the lives of me and my teammates and many lives within the township.

Video

Here's a link to the video I put together to give you a better image of what South Africa looks like and what I've been doing. I hope you enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bulkz3_ML7A

The Solution

Originally posted on 11/21/08

It is not a human right
To stare not fight while broken nations dream
Open up our eyes, so blind
That we might find the mercy for the need

Hey now
Fill our hearts with your compassion
Hey now
As we hold to our confession

It is not too far a cry
Too much to try to help the least of these
Politics will not decide if we should rise
And be your hands and feet

Singing...
Hey now
Fill our hearts with your compassion
Hey now
As we hold to our confession

Whoa-oo-ooh
God, be the solution
Whoa-oo-ooh
We will be your hands and be your feet
Yeah Yeah

Higher than our circumstance
You promised and you loved for all to see
Higher than our protest lines and dollar signs
Your love is all we need

Hey now
Fill our hearts with your compassion
Hey now
As we hold to our confession

Whoa-oo-ooh
God, be the solution
Whoa-oo-ooh
We will be your hands and be your feet

Whoa-oo-ooh
God, be the solution
Whoa-oo-ooh
We will be your hands and be your feet
Whoa Yeah

Only you can mend the broken heart
And cause the blind to see
You erase complete, the sinner's past
And set the captives free

Only you can take the widow's cry
And cause the heart to see
Be the Father to the fatherless
Our Saviour and our King

We will be your hands
We will be your feet
We run this race for the least of these
In the darkest place we will be your light,
We will be your light

We will be your hands
We will be your feet
We run this race for the least of these
In the darkest place we will be your light,
We will you light

Whoa-oo-ooh
God, be the solution
Whoa-oo-ooh
We will be your hands and be your feet

Whoa-oo-ooh
God, be the solution
Whoa-oo-ooh
We will be your hands and be your feet

We will run
We will run
We will run with the solution...

We have the solution! I too often forget that. God used Hillsong to remind me of the truths of His word. Really even just the fact that God is truth and God is love and that is the solution. We search for answers for life's unanswerable questions when really we don't need those answers because we have the solution. We just need to move into action and be the hands and feet of God. We are called to fight the good fight, to run this race, and we need to pursue hard after that but we don't need to do it alone. We need to run it for those who are too weak to run. We need to help those who have fallen along the way. We need to bring those that have been lost with us.

God is the solution, I don't know exactly what that looks like but He is. We just have to run with the solution. Run with God, run for God, run to God! We just need to run, God will take care of the rest. He is the solution, we aren't. He just blesses us with the oppurtunity to bring others the solution. Praise God for that. Praise God that despite our faults and inadequacies that He still wants us to be His hands and feet and wants us to help Him. Praise God that He is the solution and we don't have to worry about solving our problems or anyone elses because He is the solution, the Healer, the Redeemer, the Lover of our souls. Praise God for the miracles He's done and the miracles He is going to do. He is making blind see, lame walk, healing hearts and minds, doing just as many miracles as when He was walking on earth. These may be physical healings but I know that God is a God of all healing. He's teaching me that more and more and there are days when I'm here and I don't believe it because I feel like I don't see it but how can I not?

It was just an amazing reminder tonight that God is the solution to every problem, even though the solution looks different for all situations it's still God just showing His greatness and power and might. I hope you all enjoy the lyrics to that song as much as I did, check it out when you get the chance because it's amazing and packed full of truth. Sorry if this blog is random thoughts thrown into one long paragraph.

Pray that God will continue to be the solution personally in my life while here in Africa and for when I come home. But also pray that we will see God as the solution and run with that into all of the areas of South Africa that we are working in. I could really use some strength emotionally, physically, and spiritually. All of your prayers are lifting me up and I just ask that you'll continue to do that. Thank you all.

Pictures

Originally posted on 11/13/08

Kids playing during free time at Ithemba

Loving on the kids at Ithemba


My class from Beat the Drum in Somerset




One of the sweetest boys at Ithemba

I know this isn't many pictures but I want you guys to have a glimpse of the beautiful faces we get to minister to. Thank you for all of your prayers! We just found out where we will be after Christmas and I will be staying here in Jeffreys. I will update more later...

Update From Jeffrey's

Originally posted on 11/8/08

Africa has been an intense these past 2 weeks. It's hard to explain how God is working because most of where I've seen God is personally in what He is doing in my life. He is definitely working in ministry but I feel like the focus has been shifted off of ministry and onto what He is trying to teach me. I will do my best to explain but bear with me. I'll start with the easy to see things...

Our team has had many oppurtunities in the past 2 weeks to really build relationships with the woman that work at Ithemba. I am in the classroom with the older children and Nomsa is the teacher in that classroom. God has truelly just given me a heart for Nomsa. I can say that I really do love her and don't want to think about having to leave her. God has given me numerous oppurtunities to just sit and talk with her about life. There is one conversation in particular that really just stuck out. It was the end of the day and most of the kids had left, so we were just sitting in the backroom talking and she began sharing a little piece of her heart with me. She has one child of her own but takes care of 2 of her sisters children as well. She's just been really discouraged lately with how raising them was going. Obviously, I have no knowledge or experience with that but God just gave me words of encouragement for her. In that, I was able to share a piece of my story with her as she was sharing about her past and how that has shaped her. Nomsa is just an amazing woman of God who really is just giving her life to Him. As much as I know God used that conversation to speak truth over her life concerning how she's being used and just encouragement to keep going, God used that conversation to encourage and bless me. I walked away from the conversation with more love for Nomsa but also seeing how God can use a simple conversation to bring His name glory. I've done a poor job of explaining but it's not something I really understand. In the moment, and even looking back, I just know that the Spirit was moving and we were both encouraged by the Spirit as we just talked. Worship took place in the backroom of Ithemba as we just talked together and it was beautiful. I'm really excited about how God is going to continue to build this friendship and how He will use that to bring Himself glory. Some of our ministry team is going over to Nomsa's new house tomorrow to help her move in and share a meal together and worship together and I'm ecstatic. I just know in my heart that God wants me to focus on this relationship and I have no idea why but I'm excited.

God is also working in the classrooms. Some days are really challenging as we are trying to figure out the best ways to help them learn. Our classroom has a wide variety of struggles. Some of the children can't do basic math like addition and mulitiplication while others excel at that but can't read or write basic English words or sentences. God is definitely working on my patience and teaching me how to love them through spending time with them. We have spent more one on one time with them these past 2 weeks and in that we have seen some improvement. I know that it is something that is going to take a lot of time and effort on both sides though. So keep praying for the kids as we help them and challenge them. It's hard for me to see how God is using the time in the classroom to bring Himself glory but I know that He will somehow.

On a more personal note, God has really been working on my heart. It's hard to explain what He is doing but He has just been showing me areas of my life that I need to surrender and allow Him to work on. There are many things that I've never even thought about but God is bringing them up and giving me oppurtunities to work through everything. He has taken the majority of my attention off of ministry and shown me that even though I thought that is why I thought I was coming to Africa, He has a bigger plan. It is about ministry, but it's more about what He wants to do in me. I know He will still work through me at ministry but I'm finally seeing, after being told more times than I can count, that He's brought me to Africa to change me. He's brought me to Africa to set my entire life before me and make me work through it. It's hard and frustrating and overwhelming but I'm doing my best to allow Him to work. It's hard to see what God is doing and how but I know that He is making me more into who He wants me to be.

I also just wanted to take some time to thank you all. Thank you, thank you, thank you! Thank you for your prayers, thank you for your support, thank you for your concerns, thank you! Your prayers are so helpful and uplifting. They do more than you guys could even know. Thank you for your ministry to me and my team. It truelly is a blessing to have so many back home that are supporting me. It gives me strength on those days where I'm just warn out. So thank you. Please continue to pray for our team. The leaders are in the process of deciding who will be doing outreach where after Christmas. They have to decide soon so that we can begin preparing as a team. The locations will be Port Elizabeth, Jeffreys, and Swazi. I will let you all know where I will be when I find out and I will update you more shortly. Thank you again for every form of support you have given me and continue to give. You are such a blessing and God is using you in big ways so thank you for your ministry to me and my team!

Quick Update

Originally posted on 10/29/08

Ithemba has been really good this week. Our team is beginning to work really well together and we're really starting to work as one unit with the teachers there. In my classroom, we are really focusing on math and english. We have a few children that are ahead but overall the class struggles. They can speak English and understand it when it's spoken but it's hard for them to read it and answer questions. We're working together to get them to the point they need to be at but it's been a bit of a struggle. I'm just excited to see how the next few weeks go.

I know that is only a quick update but I just wanted you all to know that things are going well. Ministry is sometimes tiring but I know that God is using us here. Your prayers are much needed though. I've been feeling sick on and off throughout the past week and I know there are many other teamates constantly fighting sickness. Also, God is working on our hearts and minds. He is bringing up a lot of things in our lives to deal with which is hard when you're away from everyone you are used to helping you. I know there is a purpose for it, even though somtimes I don't see it. Another thing to pray about is just Christmas. A lot of the children at our ministry really need clothes and shoes and we are hoping to be able to provide something for them but we don't know how yet. Thank you so much for everything. I miss you guys and look forward to fellowshipping with you over Christmas!!